Person My Colour by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs, Social Science, Discrimination & Race Relations
ISBN: 9781928215639
Google: KQJtDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Modjaji Books
Published: 2018-09-20T01:06:07+00:00

19

The Earth Shakes

It was Friday evening just after bath time. You had been with us for four days. As it was a weekend, your siblings were allowed to watch an entire movie and, for the hundredth time, they chose “air-pig” (Epic).

We were in my room after your bath and you rolled around on my yoga sheepskin as I was trying to massage you with lavender scented coconut oil. You were not used to massages and made a game out of slipping out of my fingers and crawling away, until I caught you again. There was a sense of mischief like you were on the verge of a giggle, but your eyes were unfocused and your emotions hidden deep within.

After another roll and wiggle, you rested for a moment flat on your back, hands by your side, your fingers playing with the wool of the sheepskin, your head tilted to one side, watching the shadow-play of leaves in the fading light outside my window. I could hear the cockroach people attacking the beautiful queen in the movie downstairs and your dad clanging around with pots, cleaning up in the kitchen. The aroma of lavender reminded me of something sad and sweet, a longing I couldn’t quite place.

Then you looked at me.

For the first time you didn’t look through me or away again but locked your gaze into mine with the dreamy determination of a sleepwalker balancing on a rooftop. I was instantly taken back to my first connection with Lele when we had danced around somebody’s living room. With your eyes, you asked a simple but important question; I felt like I should know the answer. I didn’t yet understand the question.

So, without thinking, I started talking to you.

I spoke in German, the language of our bedtime songs. I spoke of your first mother and how you must have missed her. I told you that I was strong enough for you to be sad and angry and even furious and wild. I told you it was safe to be whoever you are. I told you that I was your mother too and that you were my child; I told you that I would love you forever; all the while holding your gaze in mine. Slowly, like dewdrops gathering on a petal, your eyes filled and overflowed, silent teardrops spilling down your cheeks.

Time stood still.

Then you opened your mouth and the earth finally shook. You let out a primal scream of such anger, fear and despair that I shrank back for a heartbeat before I reached out again and gathered you against me.

You stiffened in my arms, stretching your limbs like wooden blocks against my body. Your feet kicked and your hands clawed at me and still you screamed.

I held you as close as I could while desperate sobs raced through your body like something wild had grabbed you by the neck and was shaking you and not letting go. I heard your dad run up the stairs. He stormed into the room and held out his arms to us, eyes wide, his face pale with fear.

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